I’ve figured out what that purpose is. I’m here to write down this story and others, these experiences and others, and so to be a participant in the global spiritual awakening. You may think that writing this story indicates I’ve made that choice. I assure you, that’s an illusion. I’ve made the choice to live before, for a day, a week, an hour. I have lived that choice for several months, only to fall back into despair and terror, or to fall into dissociation in which I exist, but am not really alive.
So, what I wonder is will I ever make the choice stick ?
There’s a question underlying this one. I’m not sure what it is yet.